


I Hate That I Don't Hate You

by lukey_irwie



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 19x21, Bottom Luke, Eventual Smut, Hate Sex, Homophobic Language, Lashton - Freeform, Love/Hate, M/M, Power Bottom Luke, Sexist Language, Top Ashton, all the things that come with gay sex will be in it eventually lol, but ashton is kind of a dick so, i don't condone those in anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 01:14:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4415369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukey_irwie/pseuds/lukey_irwie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Hemmings thinks his life is going pretty well, he's living his dream and is surrounded by people who are nothing but amazing, well except one person.That person is Ashton Irwin, and to be quite frank Ashton is the worst person Luke has ever met and Luke hates him. </p><p>But mostly Luke hates how he doesn't really hate Ashton.</p><p>Or the one where they're both rising chefs who hate each other and tensions only rise when they get put on a competition show together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate That I Don't Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the tags there is homophobic and sexist language in this so be warned. And I don't condone them in anyway but I had to use it to make Ashton's character realistic. Also this in no way reflects how I think of Ashton in real life okay, I love Ashton. But for the plot I had to make him a dick and I'm sorry, I needed to give Luke valid reasons to hate him okay.

Luke’s typically a pretty nice person. If you asked him if he hated anyone he would say no, sure there’s people he dislikes, some more than others, but he could never hate anyone. That’s too strong of a word, maybe it could be used for people who have done unspeakable things like Hitler or Jeffery Dahmer, but to hate someone he knows personally?

 Luke doesn’t think he could be capable of that, even if someone was a dick to him maybe they were just having a bad day or just they just didn’t like him, not everyone has to like him, Luke understands that and he’s not going to hate them for that. There’s too much hate in this world why would Luke add anymore over something as small as that? So as much as Luke may dislike someone he could never hate them, or at least that’s what he thought until Ashton Irwin came along.

Luke had heard all about Ashton before they even met, how couldn’t he? Ashton is only Luke’s greatest rival after all.

 Luke remembers the first time he heard about Ashton, when he was still a freshman in high school and excelled in his culinary class and spent a majority of his free time watching the cooking channel with his mother. Ashton was sixteen and on the channel for this special they had on upcoming cooking stars. Ashton was all blonde fringe and bright hazel eyes and he just seemed so excited to be on the TV and so enthusiastic about cooking. And Luke could relate to that, sure he had never been on TV but he loved cooking more than anything, even more than playing video games with his best friend Chrissy.

So for a while Ashton became a sort of idol to Luke and when the news got out that Ashton was going to be at a cooking event in Sydney and there would be a sort of meet and greet after of course Luke begged Liz to let him go. And instead of just saying yes Liz suggested Luke enter the competition, however when they checked the guidelines online it said fifteen or older and Luke was only fourteen, but there was always the next year of course.

So Luke bought tickets for him and Chrissy, Luke figured he should buy her ticket because first off she’s his best friend what person wouldn’t spend ten bucks on their best friend? Plus Luke knew Chrissy didn’t enjoy cooking as much as he did. She didn’t hate it and she took the culinary class with Luke as an elective and enjoyed it and did well in it but Luke knows she preferred the part where they ate whatever food they made the best. And while of course Luke enjoyed the eating too he also really enjoyed the cooking aspect of it and he was probably the only one in the class who listened to and enjoyed when the teacher would go on long rambles about different foods and cooking techniques.

Luke knows Chrissy would’ve preferred to just stay in and play video games but she went anyways because that’s what friends do and there were times where Luke would do stuff he wasn’t into just because Chrissy was. Like go see those cheesy romance novels Chrissy insisted she hated and only wanted to go see to make fun of despite the fact she cried at every one, because she was Luke’s best and only friend and vice versa, they did everything together. Plus Chrissy said she thought it might be kind of fun as she’d be able to tease Luke about his gigantic crush on Ashton, her words, not Luke’s.

Sure Luke might’ve found Ashton a little attractive, but he didn’t have a crush on him, he didn’t know the guy.

So they went to the event and of course Luke cheered Ashton on and of course Chrissy made fun of him for that.

When they were lined up after to meet Ashton Luke found his hands shaking with nerves like they had many times before when he would have to do a presentation in school or something. Chrissy had her hand placed gently on Luke’s shoulder and she instructed him to take deep breaths like she always did when this happened and usually it worked fairly quickly but not this time.

So Chrissy resorted to pulling Luke into her arms and Luke immediately hugged her back and rested his head on her shoulder. And as he breathed in her vanilla perfume, which smelled like Chrissy, Luke’s best friend since his first day of kindergarten and his only friend that didn’t grow to hate him over time, Luke felt slightly better or at least better enough to be able to form coherent sentences.

“What if he hates me?” Luke cried “Or I fuck up or-“

“Luke” Chrissy said gently “I know you see him as some celebrity but he’s probably not very different from any other sixteen year old boy, just treat him like one of the guys we go to school with.”

“Well I hope he’s not like the guys we go to school with, they’re bunch of a jerks with their brains in their dicks” Luke said.

Luke felt Chrissy shaking against him and he knew she was laughing but trying to contain it so they wouldn’t get any weird stares. They were already hugging in the middle of the line, people probably thought they were one of those obnoxious teenage couples, even though they were furthest thing from that.

“Well I’m glad you’re at least okay enough to still be sarcastic, and really Luke, just treat him like a normal person” Chrissy soothed.

“But I can’t even talk to normal people, Chris” Luke cried “you know how much of a fuck-up I am!”

“Hey, hey, hey” Chrissy said cupping Luke’s face in her hands and using the pads of her red polished thumbs to wipe away the tears Luke didn’t know he had “don’t say that about yourself, Lu. You’re just shy and there’s nothing wrong with that and anyone who thinks so doesn’t deserve you. And I’m a normal person aren’t I? Just treat him like me.”

“But you’re not a normal person, not to me, you’re like my sister” Luke said “and like I’ve known you forever so I’m not afraid to talk to you.”

“Then just pretend you’ve known him forever” Chrissy said.

“That’s easier said than done though” Luke muttered and it sounded rude and Luke didn’t intend it to be that way but he knew Chrissy knew him enough to know he didn’t mean it that way.

“I know, Lu” Chrissy said and the nickname helped a bit to calm Luke’s nerves “but you’re going to be fine, okay I know you will, and I’ll be right with you so it’s not like you’re going to be alone.”

And Luke smiled at her as he started to believe her words and that he could do this, Ashton was just a person, and Luke wasn’t going to let his anxiety ruin the moment for him.

“Yeah I guess you’re right, Chris, I love you” Luke said pulling away.

“I love you too, Lu” Chrissy said pressing a kiss to Luke’s cheek.

Luke heard someone behind them snort and he knew they were probably thinking Luke and Chrissy were just dumb teenagers and they couldn’t love each other but Luke knew they were wrong. Sure Luke might not love Chrissy in the way they thought but he sure as hell loves her, in the way he loves his brothers and parents and just as strongly.

Luke took Chrissy’s hand after and she squeezed it tightly in the way that always helped Luke as he could focus on the pressure of her hand to distract from the racing thoughts in his head and with the help of that and Chrissy’s pep talk Luke found himself at the front of line with his nerves completely resolved.

And he was anxious but not with fear but excitement.

And when the people who were getting stuff signed by Ashton moved out of the way and Luke locked eyes with Ashton he felt like he was going to faint and the nerves came rushing back.

Luke felt Chrissy squeeze his hand tighter and she smiled at him to say ‘you can do this’ and it gave Luke a little bit of strength but not enough to move forward. And then Chrissy’s hand was gone from Luke’s and her hands were on Luke’s back pushing him forward slightly, but gently of course, and Luke knew it was now or never.

“I-um I’m Luke and I-um, I have this for you to sign” Luke said grabbing a cooking book from his bag, one that was all about the food network stars and had a blurb about Ashton with a picture, which Luke did _not_ spend all his free time looking at, contrary to Chrissy’s claims.

Luke fumbled through the book until he got to the page with Ashton on it, which he totally didn’t have the number of memorized and placed the book in front of Ashton.

“Hm” Ashton huffed and if you asked Luke now he would totally say it was rude, but Luke was kind of awestruck at the time and he didn’t really notice it.

 Ashton wasn’t screaming that he hated Luke or yelling for security to take him away, so Luke took that as a sign he was doing okay and Ashton didn’t hate him. Ashton actually had done that to a couple people in line before Luke but Luke didn’t want to judge Ashton on that as he didn’t know the situation and those people could’ve been rude.

Ashton sloppily scribbled his signature into Luke’s book before shutting it and handing it to him and he raised his eyebrows at Luke as if to say ‘if you’re not going to say anything further you can leave.’

Which again was incredibly rude but Luke didn’t notice it at the time and was too focused on the fact Ashton had made eye contact with him, and how his eyes were even prettier in real life than they were on TV or in the book.

“I-um I just wanted to say I think you’re an incredible cook and I can tell how passionate about it you are when I watch you on TV. And like, I really like to cook too, I have all my life and my mum has been pushing me to try and like, get recognized for it and like, I didn’t really think that was possible until I saw you on TV. And I was like ‘hey, maybe I could be like him in a couple years’ and yeah you’re like my biggest inspiration and I hope to be like you some day” Luke said.

“Well that’s a pretty big dream you’ve got there kid, and let me be the one to break it to you, you won’t make it. It’s hard to in this industry, you have to have exceptional talent like me, which quite frankly I don’t think _you_ would have” Ashton said looking Luke up and down as if he was the dirt he picks out from under his nails “have fun working at McDonald’s your whole life. Now get out of here, before I call security.”

It took Luke a few seconds to comprehend what Ashton said as he was still pretty awestruck but when it hit him Luke froze up and felt like he was just going to collapse into a pile of tears. The boy Luke had quickly idolized basically just told him he hated him and he would never amount to anything. Luke felt the tears prickle in his eyes and part of him wanted to hold them in and not give Ashton the satisfaction of seeing him cry but part of him also thought ‘what’s the point he hates me anyways and maybe I’ll make him feel bad.’

The next thing Luke knew someone was grabbing his arm and Luke thought it was one of the security guards Ashton threatened to call on him until he realized they were too gentle he could smell the familiar aroma of vanilla.

“Cmon, Luke, let’s go, this asshole isn’t worth our time” Chrissy spat glaring at Ashton “and just so you know.”

Chrissy let go of Luke for a second to walk towards Ashton and brought her hand across his face with a loud smack that caused people in line to gasp and Luke to flinch.

“No one fucking talks to my best friend like that” Chrissy spat as Ashton rubbed at his face.

“You know you’re feisty and I kind of like it, anytime you want to ditch your loser of a boyfriend over there, I’m free” Ashton said winking at Chrissy.

“Like I’d ever go for a jerk like you, you disgust me” Chrissy said spitting in Ashton’s face.

“You know usually girls spew other bodily fluids at me, I’m sure in a bit of time I could get you to do the same” Ashton says and Chrissy goes to say something but Luke beats her to it.

Ashton can say whatever he wants about Luke but no one harasses Luke’s friend and gets away with it.

“You know I think the only bodily fluids you could get girls to produce are tears since you’re such a shit person” Luke says.

“Damn Luke, that was a good one, my little Lulu’s all grown up!” Chrissy said wrapping her arm around Luke “and let’s go for real this time before he gets security.”

Luke allowed Chrissy to lead him away not really sure what to do next, but he couldn’t help but glance back at Ashton as they left and his face looked utterly shocked and even a bit hurt. And part of Luke wanted to go back and apologize no matter how much of a dick Ashton had been but he knows there’s no way Chrissy would’ve allowed it.

And as soon as they got out of earshot she was screaming profanities and what she would do to Ashton if she ever caught him without security.

“But maybe what he said was true, not about you, that was disgusting, but about me. I mean I’m nowhere near being as good as him and I probably will just end up working at McDonald’s” Luke said cutting of Chrissy’s yelling.

“Luke” Chrissy said softly before stopping.

“Do you really believe that?” she asked, the worry evident in her voice and Luke just nodded.

“Don’t” she said sternly “not even for a second, you’ve got way more talent than he has in his left pinky and next year you’re going to enter the competition and blow him out of the park, and then all his sponsors are going to drop him for you and you’re going to become the next Gordan Ramsay, without the yelling at everyone” Chrissy says and Luke can’t help but smile.

“It’s great that you think that Chris, but that won’t happen, I’m not talented, I-” Luke starts but Chrissy cuts him off.

“I’m calling bullshit on that Luke, you have 100 in cooking class” Chrissy said “and he probably has rich parents who paid to get him on TV, it explains his entitledness, you’re going to get on there with talent alone, I know you will.”

“I don’t wanna argue but I don’t believe it” Luke said.

“Well you’re going to one day, mark my word.”

\---

And Chrissy definitely wasn’t lying because with much coaxing, more like practically forcing, from her, Luke’s family and his culinary teacher Luke was fifteen and able to enter the competition. And while he wasn’t the most confident person he loved cooking so much and he was just going to focus on that and not the whole competition aspect. It’s not like he really expected to win anyways.

And at first Luke was against nice opponents that he felt bad about beating but they let him know they didn’t take it personally and congratulated him.

And to his surprise Luke made it all the way to the finals where of course he was pitted against Ashton. And you’d expect Luke’s hatred for Ashton to have fueled throughout the year and that Luke would’ve wanted nothing more than to beat Ashton and let him know what failure feels like for once. But the year only gave Luke time to come up with excuses for Ashton’s behavior like ‘he was having a bad day’ or he was ‘tired from signing all those autographs’.

And Luke wanted to give Ashton the benefit of the doubt and believe that he wasn’t really like how he acted that day, no matter how much the shows he was on proved it to be true that Ashton was just an ‘egotistical dickhead’, in Chrissy’s words of course. The naïve kid in Luke still wanted to believe that there was good in Ashton, because there’s good in everyone, right?

And of course Luke was an idiot for thinking that.

Luke and Ashton were where what they called ‘backstage’ but the venue was outside so there was no real ‘room’ that was backstage.

And Luke had just said goodbye to his and Chrissy’s families and of course Chrissy who told him to ‘show him whose boss and make him cry’ which Luke didn’t even think he was capable of doing even if he wanted to.

“Don’t expect to beat me kid, the other competitors just felt bad, they could cook circles around you if they wanted to. And they’re like a tenth as good as me and I’m not going to go easy on you. Try not to cry too much when you crash and burn, it’ll make me look bad” Ashton mumbles to Luke so no one else can hear.

“I think you do that enough on your own” Luke retorted and kind of wished Chrissy was there to hear it because he knew how proud she would’ve been.

“What the fuck did you just- say to me?” Ashton seethed.

“You know what you heard” Luke retorted.

“Listen here punk, and before you tell me you have a name I don’t fucking care to know your name, you’re not going to beat me and you’re also not going to get away with talking to me like that, do you know who I am?” Ashton spat.

“Yeah you’re an entitled brat” Luke quipped.

“That’s it you’re-” Ashton started but was cut off by the director of the completion who had came backstage.

“Everything good?” the director, Mr. Feldman asked.

“Yeah of course” Ashton said smiling brightly while throwing his arm lightly around Luke.

And even though Ashton only continued to prove he was a jerk Luke couldn’t help but blush at the feeling of Ashton’s arm around him.

“Okay well you’re on in five” Mr. Feldman said and as soon as he was gone Ashton removed his arm from where it was wrapped around Luke.

“What the fuck was that?” Ashton asked.

“What the fuck was what?” Luke asked genuinely confused.

“When I touched you, you fucking blushed, you’re not a fucking faggot are you?” Ashton spat “explains why you didn’t seem interested in that hot piece of ass last year.”

“So you remember me? Aw, how cute” Luke cooed and the look on Ashton’s face was so angry it was almost comical and it made Luke forget about how much the slur hurt.

You’d think after hearing it muttered in the hallways every day at school Luke would’ve gotten used to it but he didn’t and he never will. Each blow may feel the same and it may get mundane after a while but it doesn’t lose the pain and effect it causes.

“No I remember _her_ ” Ashton said.

“You mean my beautiful amazing friend that you think it’s okay to talk about like she’s a piece of meat? Because she’s a person and she doesn’t deserve to be talked about like that, but if you must I dare you to do it front of her, because she’ll beat the shit out of you” Luke retorted.

“The fact someone like that is just your friend is just proof you’re a faggot” Ashton spat.

“Yeah I’m gay, so what? Are you scared now that I have a crush on you, because I don’t, I, like any other gay guy, have taste” Luke replied.

“Then why did you blush?” Ashton asked.

“Why were you staring at me to know that I blushed?” Luke asked.

“Answer my fucking question or I’ll snap your neck” Ashton threatened.

“I don’t think going to jail for murder will be good for your career” Luke retorted.

“Then I’ll make it look like you did it yourself because you couldn’t handle the pressure of being against me, now-“Ashton started but was cut off by the host’s voice blaring through the speakers.

“This isn’t over, fag” Ashton spat.

The aim of the final task was to make a quick dessert, emphasis on quick and Ashton decided to make some extravagant thing Luke had never heard of and Luke just just settled on making a simple chocolate mousse and topped it off with a few raspberries and drizzled the plate the bowl containing the mouse was on with chocolate, caramel and strawberry syrup since presentation was a part of the grading but not a huge one. What really mattered was the taste and well, just from watching Ashton Luke could tell he put more into the presentation.

Although Luke still expected him to win because even though he spent more time than necessary on the presentation his dish probably still tasted way better than Luke’s ever could.

So Luke was pretty shocked when not only did he win but the judges gave him a unanimous 10/10.

Luke could tell Ashton was ready to beat the shit out of him but he wasn’t scared because he knew he couldn’t do anything on stage.

“So tell me how you feel, where did you come up with the recipe?” The host asked wrapping her arm around Luke.

Luke was still pretty overwhelmed from winning so he was especially overwhelmed by the questions and at first he didn’t answer desperately searching the crowd for his family. He felt a little relieved once he saw them and almost completely relieved when Chrissy gave him a little thumbs up.

“Who’s that girl in the crowd, she seemed to be cheering for you a lot, is she your girlfriend” The host asked.

And Luke found it kind of an odd question to ask, not only did she not give him time to answer the others but why would his dating life, or lack of, have any effect on the fact he won?

“Let him answer one question at a time!” Chrissy yelled and Luke couldn’t help but laugh as the host turned to Luke again and handed him her microphone, which he almost dropped and Luke could’ve sworn he heard Ashton snicker, but he didn’t say anything.

But Luke knew Ashton would if they were ever caught alone without other people.

“No-um, Chrissy’s just my best friend” Luke answered deciding to leave it at that because while he is in no way ashamed of his sexuality he doesn’t know how good of an idea it would be to bring it up “and to answer the other questions honestly I wasn’t even expecting to win the first round let alone the whole competition. Like to beat Ashton, I just, I never would’ve expected that.”

Luke didn’t say it to spite Ashton, he said it because it was true but if Ashton did get upset by it… well, Luke wouldn’t’ve complained.

“And I’m sorry, what was the other question?” Luke asked making the crowd laugh.

“That’s my Luke!” Chrissy said and if the whole crowd didn’t think they were dating before then they definitely did after, the ‘aww’ they said at that only confirmed it.

“It was about the recipe, it must’ve been pretty good to blow the judges away how did you come up with it?” The host asked.

“Well it’s my mum’s recipe actually so, thanks mum” Luke said eliciting a mixture of ‘aws’ and laughing from the crowd.

“Well you’ve definitely shown a lot of talent in fact I think our director, who also happens to be the head of the food network wants to ask you something” The host said.

And that was the moment the Luke’s life flipped upside down, but in a good way.

Mr. Feldman told Luke he wanted him to join the network on their contract for minors, which included appearances on different shows as well as doing online stuff and while Luke was kind of reluctant to agree because he was afraid of the fame that came with it of course Luke said yes. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and his family, and of course Chrissy and hers would’ve killed him if he turned it down and his future self would’ve killed him too.

Luckily once Luke accepted it that was pretty much the end and they didn’t make him sign autographs or anything because that would’ve been way too overwhelming. They just asked for Luke’s contact information in private and of course asked to speak to his family about the deal and said they would contact him for further info.

Then they said he was free to go home and it was at that point that Luke realized he really had to pee so he told his family he had to go to the bathroom before they left.

So he ran into the building of the park the event was held at and just as he was coming out of the bathroom he collided with someone and was about to apologize when he realized who it was.

And at the moment and still to this day Luke can’t help but think of how cliché it was.

“Fancy seeing you here, were you jacking off in there to the thought of having to see me again?” Ashton asked and god, did Luke ever want to punch him.

But of course he didn’t because he knew he had no chance, Ashton had huge biceps and, well, Luke did not.

So Luke chose the thing he knew he could win against Ashton with; his wit.

“In your dreams” Luke snorted “now if you’d let me go.”

“Look, I don’t know why you’re not afraid of me but you fucking should be” Ashton seethed.

“The fact that you would think I’m not afraid of you just shows your insecurity in your ability to be threatening” Luke said and managed to slip away as Ashton was still processing what he said.

\---

Though of course that wasn’t the final time he and Ashton crossed paths, they did many more times as would be expected when you’re on the same type of contract on the same network. Ashton being equally as horrible each time they met but Luke managing to surprise Ashton and keep his dignity with his wit.

And now Luke is nineteen, he’s still with the network but he’s on a sort of break right now. And he managed to use his money from the network to get his own apartment which he shares with Chrissy, who’s studying in college to be a video game developer.

And Luke made a bunch of new friends from the network, like Calum, the dark haired boy who tries to act tough but is really such a softie at heart. And Michael, who loves dying his hair almost as much as he loves video games, and Luke and Calum have been trying to get him and Chrissy together since the two met. Mr. Feldman, who Luke now refers to as Feldy became like a second dad to Luke.

And Luke isn’t as scrawny anymore and actually has a chance against Ashton if Ashton were ever to try and assault him, although of course Luke prefers using his wit against Ashton, it’s a much better strategy.

And Luke also isn’t lacking in a love life anymore, well maybe the love part, but he definitely isn’t awkward around guys anymore, well at least when he’s had a bit to drink, and managed to have his first kiss and well, many other things.

Luke’s life has changed a lot since he joined the network and while the fame is kind of intimidating so much good has come out of it and he’s doing what he loves. How could he not be the happiest person on Earth?

Even Ashton can’t get Luke down now, and the little boy who made excuses for Ashton being rude?

That part of Luke is gone now and he’s not afraid to admit that Ashton is a terrible person and he hates him just as much as his friends do.

Although maybe he doesn’t, maybe there’s still a part of him deep down that doesn’t and never could hate Ashton, but Luke figures that part of him isn’t very relevant.


End file.
